*Please pick up your petticoats and skip away if you are scandalized by human biology.*
First things first, humans fart. Men, women and children all pass wind. Some of us are just more blessed than others. I happen to come from a long lineage of gas hording humanoids. Just ask my couch. The sounds of the toot, the squeak, the foghorn, the ah-OOOO-gah often wafts through my home. It’s nature, get over it.
Because I am used to farts, I realize that there are several layers to them. There are the wondrous sounds, the surprising smells and sometimes the unfortunate tastes. I only really mind the taste aspect. If I taste a fart, it means that someone has to shit and I just ate their poo. Not appreciated. Besides that (and being hot-boxed in a crowded subway car), I care not if you fart. This does not give people license to lift a leg and announce their presence willy-nilly near me. It is possible to hold gas in. Uncomfortable yes, but possible. We all must have manners. But, I prefer you release air rather than blow up. Just make sure you say excuse me and go to the bathroom if you actually have to poo.
It has gotten to the point where I seldom react to the sounds of compressed air leaving the body. When silence is broken by a strange fwep or a sneeze is punctuated with a pa-toot, I smile, but do not belly laugh like I once did as a grade school child. I believe that my auditory function has become somewhat numb to humans and their bodily functions.
I do have a fascination with dogs farting however.
Growing up, I was not aware that dogs could fart. When I was a child, I had a dog named Tidbit. “Tidbit from Tibet,” as my father would say. He was actually from New Jersey, but who’s taking notes. Tidbit was the sweetest Shih Tzu and I loved him to bits. Yes, he would eat used sanitary napkins, but he had the best of intentions. And I never heard him fart.
I heard stories of dogs passing gas. But, I still had not heard it in person. I’m not talking smell here, I’m talking sound. Because I have certainly smelled the room clearing scents that are released by the bowels of a hound. Yeah, I’m calling you out Lily! I have two tiny, 4lb. yorkie-poo (ha ha poo) sisters (Lily and Lola) and I think their assholes are too small to release any sounds. Or at least, sound audible to the human ear. However, Lily could go by the name “Silent but Deadly” especially since she is all ninja black.
One very early Sunday morning, everything changed. My ears were opened and my mind was blown. I was sleepily staring at the computer screen wondering what other video I could find that would slightly amuse me until I got enough energy to start making the coffee. I found myself mindlessly typing into the YouTube search box “dog fart”. I found the mother-lode.
There were dogs farting, dogs reacting to human farts and dogs reacting to their own farts. Dogs reacting to other dog’s farts and cats being farted on by dogs. Tail moving farts, feet twitching farts and grimacing faces from smelly farts. I was in dog fart heaven.
Humans spend so much time pretending they weren’t the ones who farted in public. I think if we could, people would throw post-poot smoke pellets and run away in shame. But dogs? Man-oh-man… They don’t know embarrassment. How could they? They greet each other by smelling asses. And they are cute and fuzzy and when silly noises come from them unexpectedly, their reactions make me want to squeeze them and hug them and throw confetti all over the floor like a prancing Rip Taylor!
I still haven’t heard a dog fart in person, but good old YouTube has certainly satiated my curiosity for now. So, from my heart to you, please enjoy these few favorite Dog vs. Fart videos. And one flatulent rabbit…
My husband can imitate this dog perfectly. In fact, I often ask him to “do the dog face”.
This is not a dog, but a bunny. My love for farting bunnies almost matches my love for gassy pups.